I am a liar. Us all are. And also not the poor kind, really, but not the hilarious Jim Carrey kind, either. We simply say things that generally aren’t true — and much more often 보다 I think we’d choose to admit. Our days are filled with small white lies — the good kind the course. Life would just be far too daunting to navigate there is no them. And also here, I’d favor to walk through just a tiny sample of the thought/speech discrepancy the make mine days operation smoothly.

You are watching: What i think vs what i say

What ns Say: “One tall skim latte please. No, nothing come eat this morning — I’m not really hungry.”What i Think: “Ordering a coco chocolate frappuccino in ~ this hour would certainly be inappropriate, ns guess. And I’m walking to stop myself from ordering another breakfast sandwich if it method I have to cut off my very own hand. Those things are literally the devil. That course ns hungry! I simply don’t desire to die of a heart strike in 2 weeks.”

What i Say: Hey. What’s up?”What i Think: “I have so long ago stopped caring around this acquaintanceship the the just time i remember I should delete you from my facebook is once you popular music up in my chat because that a conversation that consist of two heys, a brb, and dead silence. Why can I never ever remember to delete you?”

What i Say: “Hey , any big plans for the weekend? that sounds fun!”What i Think: “You room the physics embodiment of nails on a chalkboard. You’re walk camping this weekend? being stuck in the woods v no escape path for several days and no indoor plumbing — kind of feel favor I’ve discovered my personal idea that hell.”

What ns Say: “No, you don’t look fat in that dress, girlfriend look great!”What i Think: “What the f-ck is anyone claimed to say to this question?! This is the spring-loaded bear trap of questions. Yeah, her ass looks sort of huge in the bottom fifty percent of that dress — but what room you going come do? Tear the off, run house naked, and adjust into some Spanx? If friend think a dress is unflattering, it’s unflattering. Trust her instincts. Please.”

What i Say: Yeah, ns on my way. Practically there. Simply gotta find a parking space.”What ns Think: “Crap! Crap! Where space my keys? just how long have the right to I do her think I’m looking for a parking space? i bet she waiting exterior taking photos of me as I type this. She knows. I have to stop texting, it’s transforming my life right into a carnival of tiny lies.”

What i Say: “Yeah, i don’t know if ns gonna go to the club tonight. Kinda not feeling well.”What ns Think: “I live in a world where I need to justify no wanting to invest 12 dollars a cocktail therefore I deserve to scream throughout a dark, sweaty room come ask my friends exactly how their main were. Ns live in a world where the is what I must want to be doing. Possibly I should just be honest and also tell lock if I want to acquire airborne herpes, I would certainly lick a subway pole prefer a respectable human being being.”

What i Say: “I’m not really a whiskey person, no thank you. Never did prefer it.”What i Think: “I was when a whiskey person, prior to I vomited myself right into Inside the end Boy after an attempt to end up a party myself in ~ the beach. Now the really smell the whiskey makes my hair hurt.”

What i Say: “I’m just not really trying to find a partnership right now.”What ns Think: “The Friday-night potential of free food on a an initial date is currently outweighed through the certain mix of ice cream cream, wine, and Tumblr.”

What ns Say: “I nothing watch Keeping Up with The Kardashians. That trash.”What ns Think: “OMG is that weird that I type of have actually this mystery thing because that Scott Disick since he reminds me the Patrick Bateman?”

What ns Say: “I’ve viewed that movie. It was pretty good.”What ns Think: “No, ns haven’t watched it, but I don’t desire to sit through ten minutes of friend explaining it to me and also telling me about all that the facility feelies it offered you, thus damaging it because that me in every sense of the word.”What i Say: “I sent you that email yesterday. Yeah… It need to not have gone through.”What i Think: “Oh god five god five god oh god five god.”

What ns Say: “Oh, no, ns don’t check out Thought Catalog.

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It’s not my style, really.”What ns Think: “Teach me, Stephanie Georgopulos. Teach me just how to cry.”